R.I.P Sylvia Likens
20 | ♀ | | ♎ | Atheist |
Hi, I'm Sandora Pilaru, but my true and full name is Sandra Pilar de la Higuera García. I live in Spain, Andalusia (Yeup ) I have 20 years old and I'm studying in the Art University. I was born on October 12, 1994. My favorite colors are black and orange.
Orange Juice is LOVE.
I love Monsters, Aliens, Ghost and all rare creatures. Also I love horror stories, psychological, gore and black humor, evil dolls and present cartoons, even those of the year 2000 and the eighties. The animation has been something that has always attracted me, although my skills are so bad. So I settle for artistic drawing, oil painting, manga and anime.
''NO NOSE'' RULZ.
I can use anything to make my works, from traditional to digital art.
People say my style is a mix of anime and cartoons. I use a lot of black and darkness, accompanied by soft bright colors. My characters are basically monsters of all sizes. Don't talk about humans...
For the music I like mostly electronics and techno, my favorite duo is BOTDF (Blood on the dance floor)
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Well, lately my Vaio Laptop is in terrible conditions, the battery is completely broken, the screen is damaged, and despite of having over half of free space on the disk memory, the computer starts to fail and run slow. It has been subjected to many hours of work because of the University, my drawings, etc.
Also the Wacom Bamboo has started to fail these days. I discovered a problem with the driver and I had to investigate to fix it. I think I've solved the problem, because I can work good with it, for now.
I made this drawing of Teo with stylograph in class, and colored it digitally at home. I found this way faster to draw, and I really like the result. You know, when there is no time, is necessary search other measures. I'm sorry if it isn't much.
Only ''no nose'' characters. I wanted to do just fanart, but we are at Christmas, so you guys can consider it a small gift.
I would like to do more elaborate drawings, but I can't yet, I have to study hard for my Uni exams, and doing all my homeworks.
Traditional line and colored with photoshop.
What a horrible month.
I'm back again, as always happens: I disappear for weeks and then I return without notification.
I don't understand, really I can't understand it. I don't know how professors can send us as much work. And we have no minutes for breathing a moment. It isn't normal, it's a horror. It's so appalling to me that even I sick.
After all, eventually you are going to know the core of me, dammit.
My problem wasn't only the university, because everybody has to work like me. And therefore, we are all busy, so this shouldn't be a problem. The university is something very normal in life. But my psychology makes me have extreme situations.
For years I suffer reactive depression and phobias which I consider that affect my life.
Aside from having fear of social relationships, I have ''Atiquifobia'' (Fear of failure) and ''Catagelofobia'', (Fear of ridicule). This wouldn't affect me if I would have had a normal life at school.
I think I have a feature that tortures me, and is perfectionism. I need perfection for my work and my art until I see it. And the slightest mistake makes me die of stress and sadness. I don't care teachers tell me that my art is shit, I care about bright marks and authentic art, and then, get respect of people.
This month, finally overwork and my perfectionism makes me go mad: appear stress, anxiety, fatigue, and my reactive depression intensified.
I had more acne, my body hurted, I had a huge pressure in my stomach. It didn't let me eat. Just I had nausea and diarrhea. Until I fell ill with fever two weeks ago.
For those who don't know, reactive depression isn't like normal depression: I'm very sensitive, and in any situation that is puzzling to me, I cry easily. I break an object unintentionally and I can die crying. I make a mistake, however small, and I remain locked all day. I also remember past things I don't like, and I can't avoid cry. I'm extremely sensitive for almost everything.
The fact is it affects me in real life, but not in virtual and imaginative life. Everything that is outside of reality is an escape of my problems. Transport me to other world (and my world) makes me happy.
I don't want you to think I'm a freak of technology. I don't abuse of Internet, and I haven't any obsession to escape of reality. I mean that disconnection from real life helps me get rid of my phobias. And art, brutal means of expression, is another of the things that help me keep my emotions under control. Many of the characters I've created represent my fears and my ways of being (and other ways of being that I can't get to have because of my lack of willpower).
My psychiatrist told me I have to accept myself and not auto-punish me. It's an effort that I have to do for myself. By the time I take sedatives and antidepressants to give me a help.
This ocurred to me last year too, so it's nothing new. It's something that affects me in important situations on real life. Always happens.
I shouldn't extend this more. I'll stop writing better, and I'm going to relax a while.